hard week...

Well it started out a normal 4th of July with a couple of parties to go to, and fireworks to see. Lordis at Hillcrest (the convalescent home) asked me to come and help with the BBQ they were having. I showed up, but there wasn't very many people in the hallways...but I found them on the patio. What a beautiful day to go out on the patio. There's a lady named Patricia who was sitting out there as well. She is such a sweet lady, ad really cares for others well being. She politely greeted me as Jessie, and asked how I was. Everyone there thinks my name is Jessie (who is another one of the interns) because we are both tall, wear glasses, and have white skin. It annoyed me at first, but the residents are still trying to keep track of us coming in and out of their facility. Patricia is 42, and has MS. The MS was triggered by a stroke she had. She started telling me about how much she missed her kids who are 9 and 10. Then she started balling...and telling me through sobs about when she had the stroke and why she hadn't seen her kids in a year! Can you imagine? I didn't know what to say so I just held her, and stroked her hair to calm her down. It was really hard to understand her through the sobs, but she told me everything. I am not sure why she trusted me enough to tell me everything. I was only there at the BBQ for about an hour and a half. When I left I felt numb...it was so strange. I got home and Susie (my mentor) asked how it was, and all I said was..."it was hard today", and walked out of the room. Then I shut the door to the bathroom and just started sobbing. I didn't even realize what I was sobbing about at first. I haven't cried like that in years. It was such a painful feeling to hurt for Patricia. This woman is a beloved child of God too, this must be similar to what God feels for us. To understand the heart of God we have to go through situations like this, but its painful. I thought I could just shake it off because I was going to a party later, and I didn't want to be a downer. But I was just in a funk that whole day..don't get me wrong I still had fun at my friend Mark's house. I was surrounded by great people, great food, and a couple good drinks :) but I just could not stop thinking about Patricia and how lonely she was on the 4th of July where we are supposed to be with family and friends. I had a couple of people at the party who really spent time talking with me, and just letting me be in a funk...they didn't try and just cheer me up or tell me to move on from the emotions I was feeling. They don't know how much I appreciated that. I am still processing it all...it only just happened Wednesday.